Friday, 10 May 2013

Run for sex

The rain lifted, so I ran out of excuses. We had to go for a second run (aka jog/walk/drunken dance).

The worst part is the way to and from the park. The park is broken into different pieces with a meandering path dotted with workout stations, so you could get away with running for just a few minutes before pausing. But the way there and back is unrelenting - probably only 5 minutes each way, but it feels like death. My lungs aren't getting enough oxygen, my face is set in rictus, and I beg to stop at each tempting bench. I'd stop if he let me but he has too much pride to stop so soon, and I have too much pride to look a fool in front of him. 

Further on it feels like my shin might split apart. I miss being so young that I can't feel the impact on my body from anything. It's funny how you don't respect health or beauty when you have it. Show me anyone who does. It just isn't how we humans work: we don't miss it til it's goooone. 

Running feels like death sometimes. Why do I do it if I hate it? Sometimes - for just a split second - it feels like I'm flying. Sometimes there are glimpses of feeling healthy, that I wouldn't have in any other way. Also, I want to save money on trousers - I've outgrown most of my best ones and have a love-hate relationship with shopping. Mostly, we don't want to grow old and fat. Old we have to accept, but fat is something we can do something about. 

We run out of breath next to each other - and I'm sure we ain't pretty - but somehow that's fine. I'm amazed that my fear of looking ugly to him isn't coming true. Some of us really have been conditioned to be - frankly - vain. Looks don't matter as much as I thought. 

Actually, the sex is better (and it was already damn good). It's not like we're suddenly more attractive in an actual physical way - we've only gone for 2 little runs!! - but the feel-good factor of having done something healthy sets in immediately. It brings self-respect and makes you happier to inhabit your body again, taking joy in it from time to time, rather than wishing you were somewhere else. Maybe that's what makes it worth feeling like death occasionally, too. 

I'd better stop here before I say something motivational.

No comments:

Post a Comment